It took me on such a ride and I want to share it with you here. There's a post script at the bottom, that I wrote in my notebook after writing down the dream.
Content warning: mention of rape
(I did not dream of the assault).
~
There are three characters I can remember. A girl (G), a boy (B), and the boy's baby brother (Bby). G and B start out as early-teens and Bby between 4 and 6 years old.
G and B are good friends.
G is always at B's house and so always helps B look after Bby.
Bby gets really attached to G, G is really nurturing. Bby starts to look at G as a pseduo-mother (I never see B's parents).
B's riiiiiiich and has a really flash house.
One day, G has to move out of town. It comes as a surprise to B and he is devastated and angry. He begs her not to go. G is crying and says she has to. Her mum's work is urgently pulling them both away. B is very sad but understands - he knows something Bby doesn't. They hug goodbye.
Years pass and G moves back.
G goes to B's house and B's so happy to have her back. G's heart becomes full when she sees B.
Bby is furious and hates G for leacing. Yells at her - WHY DID YOU LEAVE. He feels betrayed like he was abandoned by a parent (does B and Bby not have parents? Where's the $$ from?).
G tries to apologise and is crying. B steps in and tells Bby that it's not G's fault she left. It's not G's fault.
B asks G, are you sure you're okay with moving back into town? Yeah, I guess, G thinks. We have no other option.
B gives G a ride home (w/ Bby). First time we'll see G's house.
Bby and G are talking in the car (lambourghini-esque - hovers). Bby asks G if G can show her all the cool entertainment stuff ("boxes") when they get to her house. Bby is excited to finally see it.
G answerr, who it's something I can show you? It's all here *taps head, indicating imagination*.
Bby doesn't get it, B smiles.
When they arrive to the house Bby (and I) are shocked. I'ts a cruddy rundown apartment complex. Is G... poor?
G's mum is a cleaner at the local high school (where G goes). They moved back cos cleaners were becoming redundant everywhere they tried to live. They couldn't afford a place to live. he (it feels like an urban-hometown?), the school gave her her job back out of loyalty, she's from there and run-down accom is free. So they came back.
They moved away because G was rape. But several people -- high school boys, teachers, and others.
When G told her mum, her mum was like fuck this town, let's go. But life outside the town was HARD. They only they could be out there, was to be homeless.
So G's mum aplogised to G and said I think we have to go back. G understands. G's silver lining is at least B's there.
She told B about the rape before she moved away. He was surprised they came back. Being super rich, he didn't understand how life could be so hard for the super poor (G never told him that part of her life). He knew he was richer than her, but he didn't realise how their poverty restricted where they could live, choosing between a cruddy house in the town of rapists or homelessness.
He is in love with G. G is in love with him. He doesn't know how to tell her, ask her out, not wanting to pressure her - not from another guy. G want to love him too, but doesn't know how. She scared all she can give is come ugly morphed empty something.
She thinks B deserves the best and is scared she can't give him that.
Is she only told him that -- he would reply, the love you already give me and Bby is so much and it's so beautiful. I don't want to ask more from you. I just want permission to love you the same way I always have, and some more. I don't want to force you to accept my affection if it makes you feel unsafe in any way.
~
I woke up crying. I cried when writing this.
As I was writing, details became clearer, made more sense.
Am I truly remembering? Or am I making it up when awake? Adding and changing it as i'm remembering?
But then, why shouldn't I? The dream is in my head, I can change the story however I want...
Are you sure this isn't some past memory of another life? Felt more life like than dream like.
ReplyDeleteAlso I still stand by what I said a few years ago, you need to try giving fictional writing a go
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